rebel rebel ⚡

[rebel rebel ⚡]

Currently:

++ Weekly Saurondriel/Haladriel Fic Recs → 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14

++ Fic Trailers → Got a request? Shoot me an ask! (Some examples include this, this, this and this.)

++ The Occasional Poll

++ Attempting to focus on writing an original project but ruminating over a toe dip into Saurondriel/Haladriel

Me on AO3:

++ Multiple Reylo fics, complete & WIP (on hiatus)

++ One very old Labyrinth fic

++ A bevy of bookmarks I encourage you to check out if you’ve got the need to read 😉

[rebel rebel ⚡]

[scriberated]

Fireside Chat - Bullying, Harassment, and the Saurondriel Guild Discord Server

Well, today I think I finally hit my threshold. I've been toeing the line for awhile but today it's here. I'm sort of struggling for the right words but I don't think that's going to get better with more time, honestly, so… here it is. With the full disclosure that I am not in a good headspace right now, so if some of this sounds harsh... it probably is.

I don't know how much will be too much to disclose, or not enough, and I'm certain some people will disagree with me about their perceptions of the event as it happened. But I'm not going to speak for them, and they certainly can't speak for me (and, I really don't think I'd want them to, at this point).

Today, I was accused of harassment and bullying, and was refused proof or the names of my accusers - For their "protection" from "retaliation" (I can only assume they mean me defending myself or confronting them directly about it). But I think I know why, and I'm fairly certain I know who.

I haven't been very talkative or forthcoming about what happened in the Saurondriel Guild discord server for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that I was trying to protect the respective experiences of multiple people involved in the original incident. As Mod/Server owner, I was made privy to a lot of personal information from multiple people - very, very personal things. I tried to mediate what was happening without disclosing those things to anyone on either side of the disagreement because… that was the right thing to do. And they didn't feel safe talking to one another.

If someone told me they weren't comfortable sharing their personal information with the other party they were disagreeing with, I didn't. I made a point not to. I am still not divulging this information, even now, even for people that I don't trust not to doxx me. I was left in a position of trying to broadly encourage people to offer grace to one another and playing devil's advocate to encourage everyone to see the other side. Apparently, this made me an "enemy".

As a result, I got a lot of hate sent my way. The truth of it is that the event was blown grossly out of proportion, and too many people decided to try and piggyback on the trauma from the original event to express their own grievances for other issues. Things that had nothing to do with what was currently happening.

It got to such an extent that people were afraid that screenshots would be taken of extremely personal information they had shared in the server and would be used against them later, as either blackmail or doxxing material.

4 mods quit, and of them 2 quit fandom altogether as a direct result of the refusal to listen or offer grace. And the incessant, nasty, terrible messages we were receiving. And to this day, no one has taken accountability for this but has rather continued to focus entirely on their perspective with no regard for anyone else.

Lines were being drawn in the sand and if you weren't with them, you were against them. I refused to allow this to happen to the half of the server that had nothing to do with it. This didn't stop people from talking shit in DMs, Twitter Circles, or encouraging others to "hear the truth" from their perspective. I stayed mostly silent, trying to respect the very sensitive nature of the disagreement and personal information shared with me.

So, I decided to shut the server down. I gave notice for it as a courtesy to allow people time to pull what they wanted from it (resources, anons etc,.). One final… confrontation was had hours before the server closed for good where I relayed the same sentiments I am relaying here.

By this point, my own mental health was in the gutter from dealing with the situation for over a week. I wasn't sleeping. My work was suffering. And I was on the verge of having a breakdown from it. And this doesn't include any of the deeply personal struggles I was - am - facing IRL on top of it.

Ironically, this month marks my 12 year anniversary of not successfully committing suicide.

Before the end, I blocked several people who I believed would continue to try and discuss this situation with me despite me requesting otherwise. I say discuss, but the reality is that they wanted to be heard and didn't want to listen. They had clearly already decided how they felt about me and cared nothing for what I was going through.

Point being, I'd had enough. I was quite literally at the end of my rope. And, fair's fair, they may not have known that. I generally try not to make a point of verbally vomiting my personal traumas and bullshit in public spheres. It's private. It should've been enough that I very clearly didn't want to talk about it, especially for people that claim to read subtext so very well.

One last loose thread was bothering me about it all. Elsewhere, in a different private server with these same people that I blocked, was a screenshot of an anon I received with my full email address and full IRL name, that I had shared with them months ago. So this morning, a request was made to the server owner to delete all messages that had been sent by myself and one other. Instead, access was granted to do it ourselves. (deleting messages individually in discord is very time consuming; for my part, I was just worried about one). That's it.

I wanted it deleted, even if it had been months and it might've already been screenshotted and saved to be used later. I felt better knowing that it would be gone and not just… existing in that space that I didn't have access to anymore, with people I no longer trusted not to abuse it. The server owner ultimately decided to delete the server because it was inactive anyway and was easier all around.

I thought with time and space, we could all move on and at least get to a point where we could coexist in the same space. There's no reason that shouldn't be possible with the internet being as big a place as it is. I had signed up for the Haladriel Fic Exchange days ago, hoping that would help mend some of the broken bonds.

Almost 20 minutes later on the dot, I received this message from the Haladriel Fic Exchange:

Evidently, all that occurred within the server I deleted, my refusal to take a side, offering compassion to everyone, and my singular desire to protect my personal information has been viewed as harassment and bullying.

I have never harassed, bullied, doxxed, or threatened anyone. Ever. The only thing I have ever done is try to protect my own peace and offer compassion to everyone despite their refusal to reciprocate.

I was bullied in middle and high school, to an extent that almost cost me my life. To even begin to describe what this accusation did to me today… I don't have the words. It is a gross exaggeration. It is a lie.

And I was refused proof, to protect people from "retaliation", whatever that looked like. I wasn't given a chance to defend myself, or offer context (not that I could, since I was adamantly denied even specifics as to what I supposedly did). I can only assume the opinions pulled from "independent sources" came from the very same people I had blocked who were all in agreement with one another.

(I suppose this will probably count - though, really, all I'm doing is defending myself against slander.)

I don't need to be included if I'm being excluded for personal reasons, or because one or both of the people running it hate me, disagreed with my decision or how i handled the server closure. Fine.

But don't use harassment and bullying as an excuse for it. It's a real problem for a lot of people, and to use it so cavalierly against me because of a difference of opinion is... appalling.

And to be clear, since subtext can be interpreted in a million different ways: I have no desire to resurrect the conversation. I am moving on. I thought other people were too.

But since I've been formally accused? I just wanted to set the record straight.

[rebelrebelwrites]

I want to add onto this post with some additional context, from my perspective, as one of the former mods of the Saurondriel Guild Discord server referenced in this post and what occurred there prior to Scrib and the other mods taking it on.

Prior to Scriberated and the other mods adopting the server, I was a mod alongside another person who has, as stated above, since left the fandom due to the situation.

Before I get into the situation that prompted myself and my counterpart to depart, I want to make a few things very clear:

1. I never asked or volunteered to be a mod. I found out about the server after the string of harassments toward Haladriels occurred, and was asked to help set it up, having mentioned that I had been a mod in another fandom for a large server. I took the ask as a genuine desire for my help and was happy to do so, but interpreted that ask as being more of a resource on Discord vs. being a moderator. As said above, I’d been a mod before, and knew the level of responsibility involved, and difficulty. I wasn’t interested in taking that on again, because of the scope and level of responsibility required to do the job justice. I’ve been very clear about my intent to focus my fandom efforts on what I consider to be positivity-building activities for others: fic recs, fanvids, etc. but I didn’t feel that being a mod was in my capacity for the long-term.

So, I was surprised when my fellow mod made me one when I was initially given server access, but I rationalized to myself that she needed me to have certain permissions in the server in order to help set it up. I reluctantly accepted the moderator role for the time being, and as the server grew, I told myself I was helping out and this was temporary. I could step back at any time. It was, again, easy to rationalize and put off stepping down because everything was harmonious. Looking back, I should’ve done so immediately. But, however reluctantly I took on the responsibility, I still accepted it in that I did not immediately voice my intention to eventually step back and therefore need to take accountability for what happened under my purview while I was in that role.

2. Prior to the situation that prompted myself/my counterpart leaving the server, no official tickets, DMs, or reports of any kind of conflict was reported to us in regards to the server. Not a single thing, not once. Any reports of such a thing occurring are false, at least in regard to the that server while myself and my counterpart were running it.

Circling back to the situation that prompted our departure. The long of it is:

A conflict arose between several members based on a triggering discussion on both sides. I reached out to the people involved —and by people involved, I mean the handful of active participants in that discussion—to try and help facilitate a resolution, and to express my apology for not being available to redirect the conversation before it got to a point where people got hurt. None of the people involved were initially interested in discussing the matter together outside of the server—a fair and understandable decision, and their decision to make.

I consulted with my fellow mod and we decided to ask that the conversation cease and be moved outside of the server, as it was continuing to cause hurt, as voiced by many still viewing it within the server itself and privately. After doing so, we were told that our effort to close the loop on the issue was hurtful to some in that they felt silenced from sharing their perspective. I, admittedly, was surprised and hurt myself by that — I thought it was very clear that we were doing our best to try and work toward a resolution for the server as a whole. Regardless of my own feelings, because it was my job to put them aside and try to work toward harmony again, we attempted to clarify our reasoning for the decision, and apologized again, as well as tried to amend the rules to protect everyone from conversations going a similar way in the future. We also discussed other ideas for solutions with the people who expressed their hurt and concern.

When we amended the rules to ask that future, tough conversations be taken outside of the server or involve a mod, that was met with similar concerns. People were upset—and maybe rightly so, even if I personally had a hard time grasping how slightly amending the server rules to ask for conversations to de-escalate or bring in one of us to help do so (again, in an effort to protect everyone there) was hurtful, or silencing anyone. I felt it was clear that that was never our intent, as there was already a method for anyone to contact us with their concerns about any sort of conflict via a ticket. But that’s just my perspective, and I was very open and willing to hear ideas from others (and did, and actively solicited them) as said above.

At this point, I felt like I was getting nowhere. My intent was always to help, not to hurt. I had somehow made the situation worse, or that’s how it felt. I felt like my efforts weren’t being valued or appreciated, both as a (however reluctant) mod, and as a member of the fandom as a whole. I didn’t feel like my or my counterpart’s feelings or RL obligations were being considered at all. And, to an extent, I couldn’t fault the people I had upset because I believe their perspective is just as valuable as mine, even if we disagreed. And I had accepted this role, so it was my job to try and hear people when they were telling me how I could do better. ALL people.

My counterpart and I discussed, and with the IRL stuff we had going on, we both were in a tough spot with trying to balance this situation and the demands on our personal lives. As I said, I didn’t ever want to do this, but I’d gotten here. I essentially accepted the role. So, we decided to shut down the server after giving people enough time to gather anything they wanted from it. Then, of course, Scriberated, a friend of mine who I’d told we were considering doing so, offered to take it on. She wanted to salvage what we’d all fostered, and didn’t want to see it go away just because we weren’t up to the task. We agreed, and gave her the access she needed, and she and a few other mods took the reins from there. Myself and my counterpart both left, and before doing so, I apologized again to the server and here on Tumblr for what felt like my shortcomings/inability to help where I wanted to be able to.

Since then, I’ll admit: my feelings are still hurt. I know I’m not the only one, and the same way I would and do advocate for those hurt by the conflict deserve the time/space to feel and process their feelings, I deserve that, too. I feel like regardless of how transparent I or my counterpart were about what happened, my integrity was questioned. That sucks, and it hurts, and I don’t feel that not being able to be the mod people needed warranted it—particularly, again, when I’ve been very focused on supporting everyone. Now I don’t know where I stand, and I’ve largely removed myself or been placed on the periphery of circles I felt more welcome in before—and maybe that’s on me, but I don’t feel like what I’ve tried to contribute to the fandom matters all that much or maybe ever mattered, despite my efforts to be a positive force for all. I don’t write for the fandom. I “gain” nothing except engaging with other people’s works, and the satisfaction of lighting them up. Again, that was always my aim.

I’d also like to believe that people could move on and if not come together, simply cordially coexist. After seeing the situation above, I’m less sure than ever, and it makes me sad. Fandom is supposed to be fun; an escape, a positive outlet. I just feel that it’s a damn shame that we can’t all see the forest for the trees.

[rebel rebel ⚡]

[wrens-wramblings]

I'd rather have a thousand "OHMIGOD WE WERE RIGHT!!!" theory confirmed moments where due to good storytelling and foreshadowing the audience was able to figure out parts of the future plot than just one more stupid twist that makes no narrative sense to avoid being "predictable".

If people knowing anything about your plot spoils the show entirely maybe it's just no good lmao.

It's not worth ruining your narrative themes and character integrity just so everyone is shocked. Sometimes twists that have been guessed .... Are better.

[rebel rebel ⚡]

[scriberated]

Instruments of Salvation Ch. 17

Chapter 17 | Ao3

Chapter Summary: Galadriel, Isildur, and Elrond all get put through their moral paces. And, a highly anticipated shoe drops.
Work Summary: It is Galadriel that is mortally wounded in the battle of the Southlands, not Halbrand. He weighs her life against the consequences of her death, and, with few options and less time, decides to save her. All magic comes with a price. Multiple POVs, alternating irregularly between Galadriel and Sauron.
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence
Ships: Galadriel | Artanis/Halbrand (The Rings of Power), Galadriel | Artanis/Sauron | Mairon, Elrond Peredhel & Galadriel | Artanis, Elrond Peredhel & Durin IV, Elendil the Tall/Tar-Míriel, Disa (The Rings of Power)/Durin IV (Tolkien)
Tags: Fuck Or Die, Cosmic Connection Taken Literally, All Magic Comes With a Price, Eventual Smut, Emotional Manipulation, Manipulation, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Soul Bond, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Slow Burn, Possessive Behavior, Possessive!Sauron, Vaginal Fingering, Cunnilingus, Oral Sex, Minor Character Death.

[rebel rebel ⚡]

[femservice]

Fandom is not an obligation.

It is not a job.  It is not school.  It is not a contract.   Participation in fandom is voluntary and it is not binding (commissions and paid work aside).

Yes, within fandom you should be bound by some sense of ethics or general decency: don’t steal art and fic, don’t willfully deceive people, don’t be a jerk or a garbage human, and so on and so forth.  But everything else?  The writing fic and the doing and the participation?  It is voluntary.

So if you are writing a fic and you’re seven chapters in and you have eight chapters to go and you’re just tired and you don’t want to do it any more?  You can stop.  If you’ve been running a blog and writing about every single episode of every new anime show that’s come out and you can’t for three weeks?  Don’t.  If you told your 5 billion followers you were gonna post a piece of fanart and you’re just sick of it and you don’t want to do it any more?  Give it up.

Sure, people will be disappointed and upset and some will complain.  But life is disappointing and upsetting sometimes, and it goes on, and no one can sue you for not finishing a fic that they were enjoying the hell out of for free.  No one can accuse you of not living up to the terms of your contract when you don’t post that fanart you mentioned three weeks ago.  Because fandom is voluntary.  It’s something that you participate in because it’s fun or fulfilling or important to you, and when it stops being those things, you should stop, too.

You are not bound by the asks in your inbox.  You are not bound by comments on a fic or a piece of art.  You are not bound, in fandom, by other people’s disappointments or their expectations. 

Fandom is voluntary.  Don’t let people pressure you into thinking that it is anything else.

[rebel rebel ⚡]

36890421578 asked:

Hi,

Are you planning to send out anymore weekly Gal/Hal fic recommendations? I read so May great fics from your lists!!!

Hi! Yes, I am. I’ve been a bit reluctant to lately just to some lingering worries about my place in the fandom, coupled with just being busy IRL, but I do plan to resume them this week. Thanks for asking and your interest! 😊 I’m glad to hear you got something out of them.

[rebel rebel ⚡]

[mulderscully]

people asking if spike loved buffy before getting the soul back don't understand that fighting to get his soul back was an act of love in and of itself. yes, before the soul the love was fucked up and side ways and muddled by a literal demon, but it was there.

[rebel rebel ⚡]

[lectual]

clannibal energy

[rebel rebel ⚡]

[silentturtle]

This.

[littlefreya]

I will forever reblog this every time it’s on my dash because it should be this loud and simple. 💖

[wolvesandhoundshowltogether]

This. We come here to have fun, and not engage in petty drama.

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

Not gonna lie tho… 9 times outta 10, the petty drama Clexakru got into with the Blarkes was pretty damn entertaining because we wiped the floor with em 😂

[rebel rebel ⚡]

[writtenbyevie]

you ever read a fic so good you want to sit around and discuss it with people english class style

[rebel rebel ⚡]

[ravenkings]

like…….doesn’t anyone ever think about what it would be like if certain (fake) people fucked anymore??? like……..what are you afraid of???????